I AM RESTLESS

AM restless. I am athirst for far-away things.
My soul goes out in a longing to touch the skirt of the dim distance.
O Great Beyond, O the keen call of thy flute!
I forget, I ever forget, that I have no wings to fly, that I am bound in this spot evermore.

I am eager and wakeful, I am a stranger in a strange land.
Thy breath comes to me whispering an impossible hope.
Thy tongue is known to my heart as its very own.
O Far-to-seek, O the keen call of thy flute!
I forget, I ever forget, that I know not the way, that I have not the winged horse.

I am listless, I am a wanderer in my heart.
In the sunny haze of the languid hours, what vast vision of thine takes shape in the blue of the sky!
O Farthest end, O the keen call of thy flute!
I forget, I ever forget, that the gates are shut everywhere in the house where I dwell alone!

by- Rabindranath tagore

Through the moments

These are my moments. The moments when I am cared for. When I am visible to myself. When I feel my wishes viably. And for the time being…I am more important than anyone else for myself. I am self consumed. I am besotted. I can not think about anything else, but my paroxysm. I can not help it. Maybe it is the long neglected self in me that is making amends on my behalf. I walk on the air, like a cloud. But I walk heavy. Fully conscious of each and every vignette of my body.

No… I can not always enjoy it. It is hard on me. Hard on my limbs. Pain scorching on them. And on my heart as well. I grow irritable and berserk. I feel like tearing things away. I could stretch a book on you and cry like mad. I can laugh and not cease even if you tore your hair apart. I can cry till you laid down all your energies to console me. But I won’t do it… yet I can not stop doing so. I am pensive. Dubious about others, I even doubt myself. How fair is it? I don’t know. All that I know is that unlike the usual time, I can not tame it... I often feel hapless. It is like a wave, which rises to dissolve. And then lets the calm prevail.